Michael Jackson – the Prophet, Gadaffi on Israel, the Nuclear Weapons Conundrum, and Islam’s 1.57 Billion Fans. Plus Martin Luther King’s Legacy, Egypt Versus France, Future Jedi Persecution, and the Death of Music…

Posted under Celebrity, News by Sajeel on 30.10.2009

The great Elizabeth Taylor has cited her friend Michael Jackson as having been a sort of “prophet”; an idea that may sound absurd at first, but which was probably a notion not too far from Michael Jackson’s psyche in his own lifetime, and certainly not far from the minds of his most devoted followers (or fans, if you will). Prophets of old may have wandered the deserts in sandals and robes and preached to fairly small audiences, but in the twenty-first century, with mass markets and global audiences, any would-be ‘prophet’ would have to go for global stardom, rather than dithering away in small communities, preaching to small cliques of vulernable, emotionally unsteady or psychologically damaged people.

If we think about it for just a moment, we might find that Michael Jackson has all the classic prophet-like archetypes. He was followed by multitudes, some of that following being fanatically zealous. He entirely consciously preached a series of moral and social messages extremely passionately (things like Heal the World, We Are The World, and Earth Song, representing the most uninhibited examples). He passionately preached ‘love’. He was (perceived to have been) persecuted by the mainstream for his strangeness, and even abused and put on trial for crimes that were (perceived to have been) never committed. He had a slightly inflated sense of himself, a degree of self-aggrandizement, and some messianic tendencies (giant statues of himself on album covers or in videos, turning into a god-like figure in the movie ‘Moonwalker’, etc). And his death was met with a global wave of mass mourning and grief.

Whether Liz Taylor was speaking in metaphor or not (it isn’t clear from her statement), it couldn’t have escaped everyone’s attention that there’d probably be a fair amount of people who’d have elevated him to a prophet-like status already. (even his memorial service was punctuated by motifs along those lines; such as the choice of gospel music that opened the ceremony – “Hallelujah, we’re going to see the King…”).

If Michael Jackson had been a prophet-like figure in a more direct sense – as in undisguised preaching and sermonising – he would’ve been the most powerful such figure of all time. He was already the most famous man in the world (a thousand times more famous than figures such as Jesus and Mohammad or Moses were in their own lifetimes), and would’ve had a platform and an audience on a kind of scale that a guru or preacher would’ve killed for. Whether that’s a wistful thought or scary one will be a matter of opinion; but it’s worth bearing in mind, for example, that Jesus of Nazareth had only a tiny following in his own lifetime, and in fact Christianity didn’t even begin to hold any sway until at least three centuries after his death.

Further indicators of Michael’s Jackson’s prophet potentials (no, wait – I mean profit potentials) will be demonstrated this week with the release of the documentary movie, ‘This Is It’, expected to be the highest grossing cinema release of all time. A film that is likely to be a mixture of strange and bittersweet…

That long-reigning superstar dictator (and certainly not a prophet, though he might aspire to be), Colonel Gadaffi sparks not the first controversial debate of his career by suggesting that Israel should be disarmed of its nuclear arsenal; or else the Palestinians, as well as nuclear-aspiring Iran, should be allowed to have nuclear weapons too. While the statement is no doubt intended to be antagonistic, there is undeniably a certain logic to his sentiment. Not that anyone in their right minds would want a government as questionable as Iran having such an arsenal, or indeed think it would be a good idea for a culture as angry, resentful and zealous as the Palestinians to have that kind of firepower either; but there is surely a case to be made that Israel’s leadership doesn’t have a solid track record of restraint either. The Israeli government, and its military, could be cited as being almost as zealous as the Palestinians.

This also opens up the wider question of exactly who should be ‘allowed’ to develop nuclear power and/or weapons. After all, Pakistan and India have nuclear arsenals, and Pakistan, like Israel, can hardly be called a stable country by any measure. North Korea has defied international opposition to its nuclear programmes and continued unabated. Who is it that should have the ultimate and objective right to dictate which nations should be trusted with nuclear technology and which nations shouldn’t? After all, it is all surely a matter of perspective. We, in the secular West, can easily cite a dozen reasons why Iran, for example, should not be permitted to develop those capabilities; but that’s from a specific point of view. Iranians might not agree. In fact, if Gadaffi’s comments are something to go by, there may be a number of other countries who’d have no opposition to Iran developing such capacities and might have plenty of objection to America or Britain such powers. Many, in numerous countries, for that matter, would call America ‘zealous’ and ‘extreme’. They might be incorrect in saying that; but, again, that’s a matter of perspective.

Ideally, of course, NO ONE would have nuclear weapons. An all-encompassing global disarmament would come into effect, with every nuclear plant or nuclear weapons component being disabled and dismantled. It won’t happen, however; because there’d always be a suspicion that someone might be cheating, in order to gain the upper hand over the rest of the world…

Official statistics gleened from extensive surveys and censuses (is that a word?) reveals that 1/4 of the world’s population is now practising Islam in some form or another. There are 1.57 billion Muslims spread across 232 countries, Islam being the second largest religious umbrella on earth, after Christianity, which has – again in various forms – 2.2 billion adherents. Some of the results have proven to be interesting, with large numbers of Muslims living in non-Muslim countries, in some cases even more so than in traditionally Islamic nations. For example, there are said to be more Muslims in Germany now than in Lebanon and some other Islamic societies.

Islam, of course, despite common misconceptions, is divided into various sects, just like Christianity, and the majority do not suscribe to extremist idealogies. Wahabism could be cited as the main culprit; but the majority denominations of Sunni and Shia Islam, despite having some extremist elements, generally practise a relatively easygoing, good-spirited tradition. Extremists in, for example, Pakistan, are a minority, and in places like Jordan are practically non-existent.

But Nick Griffin and the BNP needn’t worry anyway – only a miniscule percentage of those 1.57 billion live in the UK. With the Muslim communities of the UK consisting of only 2 percent of the total UK population, one imagines much of the BNP’s xenophobic scaremongering antics would fall flat; all the talk of a ‘Muslim takeover’ and the alleged minoritisation of the indigenous white population is revealed for the contrived and cynical propaganda that it is…

Incidentally, the only religion outnumbering both Islam and Christianity is the Jedi spiritual faith, which now numbers 2.7 billion worldwide, and follows the spiritual teachings of Master Yoda.

No, okay, that’s not true. But wouldn’t it be nice if it was? I personally can’t WAIT for the BNP and fascist propaganda of the future, in which we hear endless tirades about how ‘the Jedi are taking over, taking all our jobs, subverting our society, etc’.

We are, in fact, steadily growing in number; to the point that we now quite seriously have practising Jedi in the police force, in journalism, and even publicly abusing people on the London Underground. We are biding our time, as our numbers swell, waiting for the right moment. Mark my words – our time will come…

The great Martin Luther King might well look down from Heaven (where he’s presently in the middle of a chess game with Mahatma Gandhi, whilst Louis Armstrong and Kurt Cobain perform a jazz-punk duet on a stage a little to their right) and smile at the election of Barak Obama to the White House, but he might well be frowning when he looks to his own heirs and finds them feuding over the corporate rights to his legacy. There is something a little bit disenchanting about his children spending their time in legal wrangling over corporate interests; Bernice King and Martin Luther King III have apparently settled their conflict, however, with their brother Dexter, who has been guilty of trying to exclude them from profiting from their father’s estate.

Another feud of a dramatic nature has recently been raging between the Louvre and Egypt’s preeminent archaelogist, Mr Zahi Hawass, over ancient painted wall fragments, which the bosses of the French museum have been refusing to hand back to Egypt. The 3, 200 year-old tomb fragments are from the ancient temple city of Luxor. It’s not the only feud of its kind that I’ve heard of; which surely begs the question of why some universal law isn’t place to guarantee ownership of archaelogical relics to their country of origin? Except, perhaps, for countries where the insitutions and resources aren’t in place to ensure the preservation of such finds. But it’d be only fair, wouldn’t it? After all, no one would argue that the Egyptian archaelogists would have any rightful claim to relics found in France – so why vice-versa?

And, finally, with the likes of Cheyl Cole, Alexandra Burke, and Robbie Williams, dominating the charts, I think the final proof has come that the music industry as a platform for music as an art-form in any meaningful sense is entirely dead and buried, the industry now being purely a mass commercial enterprise…

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

Posted under Uncategorized by Harry on 29.10.2009

Unfortunately I have not felt compelled to send a complaint letter to anyone for quite some time now.
Maybe the world is getting better, maybe I am getting better at dealing with it.

Here is a particular favourite of mine that I sent to KP Snacks regarding Nik-Naks crisps a little while ago.

Dear Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms KP Snacks.

I am writing to you with regards to your Nice n’ Spicy flavour Nik Naks. These were always a favourite of mine in my school days and I bought a packet for my lunch today. “50% less saturated fat… Same great taste!” is the headline on the front of the packet. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that they are anything but the same as I remember.
Firstly, they look entirely different. The shape is the same, that of an ugly phallus modeled from clay by an old blind man. It is the colour that has gone. I remember them as being flecked with a deeper orange, now they are bland beige. Colourless, the hue of piss seeping through a leaking nappy. They cannot even be described as having a colour, they are entirely void of colour, it is a surprise to me that they’re not completely invisible.
Secondly, I couldn’t help but notice that the taste has been muted to match the afore-mentioned tone. The tang has gone. They were never really all that spicy anyway, but they had a pleasurable taste. Now, they are about as spicy as a solitary boiled potato floating in a large Yorkshire pudding that has been filled with tepid dishwater. With this in mind I suggest that you change the name from “Nice n’ Spicy” to “Average n’ Bland”.
Thirdly, and this really confused me, the packet also says “THIS BAG CONTAINS APPROXIMATELY 2 SERVINGS”. Who in their right mind buys a packet of crisps and then only eats half? It’s not like the bag is very big either, only 50 grams. And the way that you have it printed in capitals makes it sound like it is a direct order, shouted through a megaphone at the obese children of Britain.
I propose that you change these few small details to make this product edible once again.
-Give us back the 50% saturated fat that you have denied us. It was probably the only flavour in them.
-Change the boast that they have “50% less saturated fat… the same great taste” to something more suitable. Such as “50% less great taste… the same shape.”
-Instead of shouting at fat children to only eat half the packet, why not try “IF YOU EAT TOO MANY PACKETS OF CRISPS YOU WILL TURN INTO EVEN FATTER LITTLE SHITS, AND THEN YOU WILL ALL DIE FROM HEART ATTACKS AND QUITE FRANKLY, YOU DESERVE IT.”

I wait with eager anticipation to hear your reply.
Yours truly,

I never did get a reply to this letter, still, the closed mouth doesn’t get fed.
HJ
images[8]

The BNP and the BBC: Nick Griffin’s Day. Plus Druids and Cannibalism, a Jew named Jesus, Henry VIII, and Racist Dinosaurs…

Posted under News, Uncategorized by Sajeel on 23.10.2009

After all the talk and controversy for weeks building up to Nick Griffin’s appearance on the BBC’s Question Time, the event itself has finally come and gone, and really not very much happened that wasn’t to have been entirely expected. Predictably, anti-fascist protestors demonstrated outside the studio. Predictably, the BNP leader was booed, mocked, attacked and ridiculed by both his fellow pannelists and the studio audience. And predictably Mr Griffin came off looking like a clueless, lying, uneducated upstart – which is all that a man of his convictions could really come off as anyway, even at the best of times.

Peter Griffin, from Family Guy, would’ve only been a touch more credible than his namesake, in all likelihood.

Really, nothing much was accomplished; Griffin wasn’t able to further expound the BNP’s convinctions and policies in any meaningful way, and any meaty debate of a substantial nature was sorely missing from the whole affair. Instead, Griffin pathetically tried to worm his way out of accounting for many of his past statements and actions by responding with his distinctly unendearing smile and continuously saying, “I never said that” and “that never happened” and other undisguised cop-outs to that effect.

Meanwhile, I don’t think the other pannelists – Bonnie Greer aside – did a very good job either. Instead of allowing Griffin to fully address questions and issues, they were jumping on him at every opportunity, desperate to condemn him. At times it bordered on bullying. In essence, I’d have little against the lambasting of a fascist; but the negative side-effect of that behaviour is the perception (to some viewers) of Griffin somehow being the victim, even a martyr, trying to stand up for the persecuted white English majority and being bold enough to speak up for his convictions and the ‘indigenous’ population in the face of all the hatred and condemnation being thrown at him.

The smarter way to have dealt with him would’ve been to restrain all the indignation and objecton and shouting and to have let him express his and his party’s untenable position freely. Griffin makes a big enough tit of himself when left to his own devices – particularly with all the spurious British racial history. To attack him like that surely just plays to his advantage, imparting to him almost a sympathetic hue – that of a lone, passionate idealist outnumbered by mainstream establishment politicians and trying to stand his ground.

Even worse, at one or two moments Griffin, to his credit, at least came across as more committed to a position than the rest of the pannelists, Jack Straw included, who were the usual brand of dithering, indecisive politicians when it came to policy; to immigration in particular.

One would’ve hoped that his appearance on Question Time would’ve been a useful vehicle for ensuring that fewer people will take the BNP seriously. Unfortunately, that may not be the effect. Essentially, it may have had no impact either way: BNP supporters watching will still be BNP supporters, and non-racist viewers will, of course, have been appalled by his attitudes and will remain opposed.

Were the BBC right to invite him onto the programme? The easy answer is yes; any legitimate, popular party must be entitled to the same platforms as their opposition parties. The real negative consequence, in the long term, might be a gradual validation of the BNP following more and more television platforms and the like; to the point where some years from now, no one will be batting an eyelid at Griffin and the mobilisation of the knee-jerk underclass.

There is a danger, no matter how ludicrous they presently seem, that the BNP could gain more and more support, gradually, over the coming years; particularly when they continue to incite and exploit Islamaphobia to their advantage, and when the mainstream parties continue to lose more and more supporters to disillusion.

Griffin’s stance against Islam is simply convenient. The Muslim community, in the wake of 7/7 particularly, is the obvious and easy target, the easy scapegoat, and the genuine disease of Islamaphobia in Britain is a convenient vehicle for the BNP to gain more support – in the same away as Jews were a great vehicle for Hitler and the Nazis to gain support. For such parties there must always be a minority to blame for all society’s present problems; a minority that can be painted as a danger and a threat to the majority.

Not that Islamic fundamentalism isn’t a problem in itself; both it and white supremacy are versions of the same disease; a disease that has infected human societies for hundreds of years, and seems to come back around periodically, like a virus. The extremist Muslims make the tarring of the entire Muslim community that much easier for propaganda-merchants like the BNP; they make it easy to villainise the whole community and to impress those negative impressions onto the minds of those not especially good at forming balanced, educated perspectives.

At this moment time, organisations like the BNP and the EDL are simply riding the momentum of Muslim extremism to gain popularity; tommorow, the ‘creepy’ gay community, the Sikhs and Hindus, Eastern Europeans, and soon enough it’ll the Jews again.

Mr Griffin’s denial of being a Nazi was one of the TV comedy moments of the year. It was generally quite funny to see him try to pretend he isn’t a Holocaust denier, trying to pretend he wasn’t really giving tips to the head of the Klu Klux Klan, and then smugly citing his grandfather’s service in the RAF as proof that he himself is “not a Nazi” – which smacks of desperation and falls flat from its irrelevance.

Griffin’s extraordinarily uneven notion of British history was a highlight; his desperate attempts to reason what the indigenous British race IS resulted in him looking confused himself, with incoherent babbling about the ‘aborginal’ white race. Scholarly exposition of English descent from Middle Earth was due to follow, no doubt, with retellings of the Battle of Gondor. Just as well that Bonnie Greer was close by to offer him some helpful corrections before he could manage to explain to us all how the BNP’s pure indigenous race goes all the way back to the Late Cretaceous epoch, where pure indigenous velociraptors opposed mass immigration from French pterodactyls, who were becoming a strain on the economy…

The ludicrousness went on and on, including at least three instances of Griffin citing “scientists” to back up some of his convictions about race. The scientists in question, of course, have no names. And no specific scientific fields.

All quite entertaining. That is, until you remind yourself that this is a legitmate political leader, with a great many supporters in this modern 21st century nation.

Also, is there a single Christian in the country who appreciates having the BNP leader repeatedly citing “Christian” values and asserting Britain’s Christianity as the bedrock of BNP beliefs and attitudes? You can’t have it both ways – if you’re going to go back seven thousand years to cite the roots of the true English race, you can’t also cite Britain as being a Christian country – Christianity didn’t even COME to the British Isles until two thousand years ago and certainly wasn’t a state religion until much later than that. A religion, for that matter, imported INTO Britain from the Middle East (from JEWS, no less) via Rome.

It should therefore stand to reason that the BNP’s religious values should be based on a mixture of Druidism and paganism. Which, in pre-Roman Britain, included human sacrifice, cannibalism and a great many other delightful quirks (at least according to Julius Caesar, who is documented as having been absolutely horrified by the native Brits and their practises).

Equating Christianity with the BNP’s other doctrines makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Citing Henry VIII and his Christianity might make more sense; and if the BNP want the insane Tudor King, they can have him. But they’ve got no pertinent claim to a religion based around a heretical Palestinian Jew and his Jewish followers. But that won’t stop them, of course; any more than it stops the Klu Klax Klan.

But, then, the key, no doubt, to the BNP’s support is that the party can spout all KINDS of confused, incoherent and unfounded history, science and sociology to support its ideas – simply because the overwhelmong majority of BNP supporters wouldn’t know any better and probably wouldn’t be interested in knowing any better either. Racism, xenophobia and homophobia are much easier when you don’t do your own research, or are otherwise sadly deficient in the knowledge department.

There was also something perverse and slightly unsettling about watching the police dragging young students away by the feet for protesting against a fascist party – as a concept, on paper, it’s a bit unnerving.

Unfortunately, a true democracy can’t bypass its own precepts when it becomes convenient; and the BNP, whether we like it or not, now has validation and, therefore, rights as a legitimised political organisation. It’s isn’t the BBC’s fault. If anyone’s to blame, it’s Britain’s racists and xenophobes; of which there are apparently quite a few.

That’s the problem with democracy – it’s dependent on the intelligence level of its voting constituents. And when a large enough proportion of those people are of a less-than-impressive intelligence level, democracy itself might become a liability to a civilised society…

Panorama Undercover: Hate on the Doorstep

Posted under News by E.V.A.L.I.N on 19.10.2009

b00nfr2h_366_206

Panorama investigates the truth about racism and anti-social behaviour as two undercover reporters (pictured) are attacked and racially-abused more than 50 times in eight weeks spent on a Bristol housing estate.

If you watched this, you’re probably still shocked. I’ve still got my “ohmygod did i really watch that” face on as i’m writing this as i’m shocked at the level of racism that is evidently still around.

I’m under no illusions that racism is still alive in the UK but my goodness i wasn’t expecting the reporters to be physically abused in the street in broad daylight.

This show made me really understand how far right parties are becoming increasingly more popular in certain areas but also greatful that i have never experienced blatent racism in my life and i hope i never do.

For those who didn’t watch the show, click on the link below.

http://bbc.co.uk/i/nfr2h/

Random post – future hit

Posted under Music by E.V.A.L.I.N on 19.10.2009

Armand Van Helden & A-TRAK Present Duck Sauce – aNYway (Out 26th October)

If this doesn’t make you feel good then you’re pretty much a lost cause.

NASA attacks the Moon, Pakistan attacks the Taleban, Egypt attacks the Veil, and All’s Not White with the BNP. Plus Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Michael Jackson, Katie Price, and Thiery Henry…

Posted under Celebrity, Music, News by Sajeel on 16.10.2009

NASA’s explosion of a rocket on the surface of the moon to, apparently, look for signs of water, seems… slightly peculiar, at best. It reminds me a bit of the time I smashed a window with a hammer to look for… uh, a fly that I’d spotted buzzing around. Quite obviously, NASA was actually secretly displaying its firepower to the Lunar aliens who live on the dark side of the moon, sending them a warning that their conquest is inevitable.

You… know about the Lunar aliens on the dark side of the moon, right? They’re furry and pink and blue, and have really squeaky voices. A bit like Tribbles from Star Trek, but with tiny little hands and feet. They live in tunnels beneath the Lunar surface. They eat moon-cheese. And they drink moonshine. And they’re scared of Mr Blobby, apparently. The truth will come out eventually, mark my words…

Explosions of a different kind might’ve been seen and heard in certain parts of Pakistan recently. Pakistani military operations against the Taleban continue, reminding the world that the extremists are still thriving. At least the army is taking firm and sustained action; though common attitudes in the country would suggest the Pakistani military can be considered merely the lesser of two evils. Not unlike the war in Afghanistan, the anti-Taleban campaign in Pakistan doesn’t have a discernable end in sight, and may drag on a very long time to come.

But Britain has extremists of its own to worry about, in the form of the BNP, who are imminently to receive even more legitimisation via a place on the BBC’s Question Time. Personally, I still don’t see a problem with this, as it’s only fair for any legitimately-recognised political party to be given the same platform as other parties. Besides, it will provide more opportunity for Nick Griffin and co. to make complete tits of themselves. Having to legally allow non-white people to join the party is already threatening to undermine them; those same democratic principles and equality issues that have been so milked by the BNP to its advantage are now coming back to bite them on their collective fat arse.

Personally, I would recommend that as many black, Asian, Jewish, and other minority citizens as possible rush to join the BNP, just to screw around with the party from within. Think of the comedy potential…

A mixed week for our world leaders; while Barak Obama is being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi is losing his precious legal immunity, potentially clearing the way for him to be brought to task on a multitude of corruption charges. Always nice to see the possibility of Emperor-like, egotistical, mass media mogul cum national leader type figures getting within flinching range of some comeuppance. Probably doesn’t happen often enough.

Egypt has become the first Islamic nation in which serious talk has ensued about the proposed banning of the niqab; the fully-body covering and face-veil. A prominent Egyptian cleric, Sheik Mohammed Tantawi, has condemned the contentious garb favoured by many Muslim women, denouncing it as having nothing to do with true Islam. Sheik Tantawi, who is dean of the prestigious and renowned al-Azhar University in Cairo, is, it has to be said, factually accurate that the niqab has no real basis in the Koran or the original traditions of Islam, no matter how many people might want to object to his statements. The niqab is, in fact, a cultural tradition, thought to have originated in Saudi Arabia.

It is refreshing to hear a highly-regarded Muslim scholar speak against it publicly and so vehemently. In a best-case scenario it might stimulate lively debate in the Islamic world; the kind of open, good-spirited debate that has been sorely lacking in Islamic scholarship for the longest time.

That said, I think we should all be uncomfortable with the growing trend of opposing the wearing of the veil, which has been the subject of much controversy in France and is now, according to reports, on the verge of being banned in Italy. People should surely be allowed to wear what they choose, especially if it is perceived to be a cultural heritage or tradition; that is surely a basic freedom of anyone living in a liberal, free society? It should surely be a matter of personal choice – and in most cases, certainly in the West anyway, it IS a personal choice by women? There is a misconception that women wearing the full covering are being oppressed, but this broadly isn’t the case.

There’s been something of a much-welcome revival lately of classic early nineties rock. Last year it was the return of Guns N’ Roses; these passed months, we’ve seen the return of Pearl Jam, selling out the 02 and releasing their new album, Backspacer. And now fellow Seattle grunge innovators and masters, Alice in Chains, have returned from the mists of legend with their long-awaited new album, Black Gives Way To Blue, and a new singer, William DuVall.

I’ve been proper chuffed to see Pearl Jam back in action, and I will confess to some pleasure at the idea of a new wave of substance-starved fans discovering Alice in Chains, but I do have to take issue: why are they still calling themselves Alice in Chains?

The tragic, untimely, death of AIC frontman Layne Staley in 2002, aged 32, was a heartbreaking loss to both the band and to rock music in general. The world lost one of its greatest artists and rock lost one of its finest, most unique, singers, under tragic circumstances -  a man whose voice could innebriate minds, raise ghosts, and cause the occupants of heaven to descend. Therefore, for the band to continue with a replacement singer and use the same name, I find grating and innappropriate.

I have nothing at all against William DuVall and nothing against the group continuing – but continue under a different name. Make it a whole new beginning. Maybe there are commercial reasons behind it, maybe even from a PR level, but, to my mind, out of respect if nothing else, the band should’ve renamed itself. If Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl decided to reform their old band without Kurt Cobain, I’m almost certain they wouldn’t call it Nirvana again, and I don’t see why the Alice in Chains situation should be any different.

That said, all indications are that the new album is excellent. Layne Staley was the kind of vocalist who simply couldn’t be replaced in a million years, his style more or less impossible to replicate. DuVall, in his own right, makes an excellent rock frontman. AiC’s return, and the on-form continuation of Pearl Jam, is a timely reminder of a golden era of Alt-Rock, the likes of which has not since been equalled and may never be, given the way the music industry is changing, while music-makers of such substance and calibre have become as rare as a solar eclipse.

Speaking of music, Michael Jackson’s new single is out, and an album soon follows (aNOTHER greatest hits compilation) to coincide with the cinematic release of ‘This Is It’. It continues, however, to feel entirely like a series of cash-in’s so that someone can make some serious dollars…

Someone else making some serious dollars is Jordan. And, as if Katie Price hadn’t hogged enough newspaper coverage already, there’s now talk about her threatening to ‘do a Britney’ and shave her head. Frankly, a scripted, by-the-numbers celebrity meltdown would be the logical next step for Jordan, who has thus far ticked every other box on the list. If I see one more glossy-mag advert on TV with Ms Price telling us to read her exclusive story, in all its juicy details, I am going to shoot my own TV. If only I had a gun…

I don’t have a gun; but one ex-gunner has been wandering his old haunts again lately. Thierry Henry, a recent attendee at Arsenal games at the Emirates, has not ruled out a possible return to Arsenal one day, apparently. The idea seems to be a return to North London some day to see out the twilight days of his career. Being a god at Arsenal, this would surely be a happy circumstance for most Gunners, and for Mr Wenger too; but why did Henry go to Barcelona in the first place? He was a deity at Arsenal, and the gravitational centre of the squad – why leave that to play third fiddle to younger stars like Etoo and Messi in Spain? At Barcelona, Henry has been just another star on a conveyor belt of big-name players; at Arsenal, he was the club’s hero.

In any case, a return to London would certainly be an appropriate way to wrap up an illustrious career some day. If only a certain David Beckham had some club where he too could be welcomed back a hero; as opposed to some club demanding his return, on account of the stupendous amount of money spent on him…

Letterman Getting Jiggy, Big Macs and Mona Lisas, Aliens and Poltergeists, the Nature of Reality, Darth Vader Porno Shocker, Jacko’s Return to the Big Screen, Liz’s new heart, and the fate of the Galaxy…

Posted under Celebrity, News, Random by Sajeel on 9.10.2009

Just when you thought that enduring mainstay of American popular culture, David Letterman, couldn’t get anymore likeable, the elder statesman of talkshow television finds himself thrust into the limelight amid a controversy that, for a man of his age, is frankly to be envied. And from which he appears to have emerged more or less unscathed.

The egg seems to be firmly on the face of whoever the idiot was who thought that the idea of Letterman having had affairs with women in his staff was sufficient fodder for bribery. So, keeping in character, Mr Letterman, instead of being lured into that dirty game, announced his saucy liaisons to the world on his prime-time TV show, refusing to be toyed with. And a nation applauds (well, maybe not the ENTIRE nation; it’s a fair bet that some folk down south were aggressively frowning with great Bible-stroking disapproval). Letterman is surely to be congratulated for his handling of the situation, where so many others in his position might’ve been drawn the other way.

So, kudos to Letterman; whose show stands up as a rarity in American television… as in, it’s always been quite good. And who could forget Drew Barrymore’s melon-flashing table dance?

That premier icon of American capitalist might and child-obesifying sub-victuals known as MacDonalds is causing outrage in France, on account of one of its fine eateries being opened in the Louvre (shock horror). Snooty (probably justifiably, this time) French commentators are flaring their nostrils in disgust at the notion of a cultural heritage being defiled by the presence of the world’s foremost fast-food purveyor. Snide comments about the Mona Lisa having to compete with the “odours” of Big Macs and Happy Meals abound. As if the French didn’t dislike America enough already…

The Michael Jackson docu-movie, ‘This Is It’ (surely the fastest-compiled cinematic release in history) is due out later this month, and is being tipped to be the highest grossing movie of all time. With no slight at all intended against Michael Jackson himself, the idea of a documentary of concert rehearals (which, profit factors aside, could’ve just as easily been released straight to TV or DVD) eclipsing actual motion pictures for that accolade doesn’t sit right. Not that some of the previous items of depravity that held the title were anything to celebrate (Titanic, Harry Potter, Transformers, etc). But the whole thing is quite brazenly a massive cash-in on someone’s death and exploitation of hungry fans and fake, U-turning hangers-on (”Oh, we ALWAYS loved Michael Jackson; we stuck by him through all the bad times”, etc) and little more.

Of course, if Michael Jackson was still here, he’d probably be delighted by his revived earning potential. He’d also be very pleased that his dear friend, the god-like Liz Taylor, has come out of her heart surgery successfully. The Hollywood mega-legend (from those bygone days when the word ’star’ actually meant something), now aged 77, has reported just today on her twitter page that she’s in good shape, even going so far as to say she feels like she’s been given a whole new heart.

A whole new heart, with hindsight, might’ve done wonders for her friend, Michael…

Presumably everyone by now has seen the artist’s impression doing the rounds, claiming to depict an alien being  wandering the streets of Winchester? You haven’t? [Sigh] Stop watching ‘The X-Factor’ and start paying attention to the REAL news – this is serious business, people. And the sexy alien was witnessed by no less a credible observer than a Lib Dem Councillor. A Mr Adrian Hicks, a Lib Dem Councillor for Winchester, claims to have seen the female extra-terrestrial shuffling down the high street, donning an elaborate ballet outfit, twirling her hands and laughing to herself. The ET, which had oval-shaped eyes and appeared to wear a blonde wig, “seemed to be enjoying herself.” Other passers-by are alleged to have witnessed the spectacle, but have been unwilling to formally report it. Mr Hicks has linked the sighting to alleged UFO activity around a nearby military base, citing Winchester as the “UFO capital of Europe”. The beguiling species of womanhood depicted in the artist’s sketch seems to be a cross between the pop star Rihanna and a classic Whitley Strieber-esque grey alien.

I’ve heard and read a great many UFO and ET stories in my time (a fair bit more than is probably healthy, it must be said); but none quite so baffling as this one, particularly due to the sheer incidentalness of it. Unless the whole thing is a Lib Dem conspiracy to win votes; ‘it was one of OUR guys the alien revealed herself to, not the Tories or Labour,’ etc. Yes, actually, that’s probably the most credible explanation.

Sticking with the paranormal, but shifting our radar to the West Midlands; a shop specialising in school uniforms has recently been plagued by poltergeist activity. Clothes and merchandise are said to have been mysteriously moved about and thrown around on its premises. Promptly, a Catholic Priest and a psychic detective were called in to perform an exorcism. The subsequent lack of anomalous phenomena indicates that the exorcism was successful.

As a more serious aside, one has to wonder why these kinds of stories – alien sightings by credible witnesses, poltergeist activity, etc – are not more widely reported in the media. Given that these things actually do happen (and in many cases can be attested to by multiple witnesses), surely they warrant some attention and discussion, being of great significance as scientific anomalies and as gaping holes in the status quo of prevailing beliefs about the nature of our reality? What could be more engaging or relevant than that? Hoaxes or reports of dubious credibility can easily be put aside, while those worth serious consideration could be more earnestly given coverage? So, why not? Surely it’s of more interest to the nation than Peter Andre and Katie Price and Strictly Come Dancing (and Paki Bashing)? Now, seriously, do you want to hear more endless, tedious stories about z-list celebrities, or do you want to hear more about a tipsy extra-terrestrial stunner wandering Winchester’s shopping streets?

Speaking of unwanted intruders, the original Darth Vader and children’s road safety guru, the actor David Prowse, recently got more trouble than warranted when the set of a new movie he is involved in was raided by Staffodhsire police; due to nosy, tight-arsed neighbours thinking that a porn film was being shot. The bungalow in Newhall, Staffodshire, was the setting for the movie due out later this year – which is most certainly not a porn movie, thank you very much. Reports that Mr Prowse force-choked the police officers in anger, or that the uppitty neighbours in question were found the next morning with lightsaber burns, remain entirely unsubstantiated. As are rumours that everything David Prowse ever says is mysteriously dubbed over by the voice of James Earl Jones.

Though the idea of a Darth Vader porn movie is intriguingly rich in potential, it has to be said. In fact, I now can’t stop thinking about the possibilities…

From a galaxy far far away… to a Galaxy in Los Angeles (man, I’m getting so f*****g good at these segways…]. LA Galaxy is demanding that its star asset David Beckham makes a decision about where his future lies. The club paid seventy-billion kazillion dollars for the former England Captain, only for him to subsequently flee to AC Milan in Serie A, where he kicked ball with the likes of Ronaldinho and Kaka. Beckham’s move to Major League Soccer was, with hindsight, clearly a misjudgement professionally, though sure as hell not financially.

Had he known he’d be recalled to the England squad (one of Steve McClaren’s many well-attested blunders was dropping Beckham in the first place; when it was clear to all that the England squad without Beckham was frankly shit), he’d have almost certainly stayed in Europe. But, given the ludicrous amount of money the Galaxy doled out for his allegience, isn’t Beckham honour-bound to see out his agreed contract?

But, should he do so, would he still be considered viable for England’s World Cup campaign in South Africa next year What a terrible dilemma. Not since Brutus and Cicero had to choose between Caesar and Pompey has so public a hero faced so difficult a choice. Okay, I’ve been waiting a whole week to say this line; The fate of the Galaxy may rest in the hands of David Beckham…

Hitler’s Remains, Brown’s Descent, The Sun’s Turncoat, Gadaffi’s Encore, and the Pope’s Coming…

Posted under News by Sajeel on 2.10.2009

It was discovered this week that the remains of Adolf Hitler, being kept in Russia, are, in fact… not the remains of Adolf Hitler. New examinations of the remains have revealed it to be that of a young woman (and not Eva Braun either). It raises some intriguing questions, particularly for conspiracy theorists. Why did Hitler shoot himself in the skull instead of taking cyanide like Eva Braun did? Why did the Russian troops who discovered his expired husk insist on burning his body there and then?

Quite clearly, the evidence continues to mount, it seems, that Adolf Hitler is indeed alive and living on the moon with Elvis and Marylin…

[Probably not WITH Marylin exactly; I find it unlikely that the Fuhrer would've been Marylin's cup of tea - maybe just on the same street, under the same atmospheric dome...]

And, speaking of the Holocaust [or Holocaust denial, at any rate]…

The ongoing drama of Iranian nuclear weapons development… goes on (hence, the ongoing); with the pariah Islamic Republic testing its new missiles, and choosing a Jewish holy day to do so (coincidence?). Oh, well; we can be sure this particular pantomime will plod on for many years to come. Unless some manner of catastrophe occurs. One wonders how long President Ahmedinijad will remain in power: will our children’s children still be seeing him on the news decades in the future?

After all, anti-American world figures have a tendency to stay around for infeasibly long stretches of time; Saddam Hussein, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Gaddaffi, and, of course, Fidel Castro, to name the obvious examples. Ahmedinijad has already been in power in Tehran longer than Caesar was in Rome.

It would take a Jesus-sized miracle for Gordon Brown to remain in power anywhere near as long, the way public opinion is looking. He may be lauded at present in the New World, but in Blighty he’s about as popular as Cristiano Ronaldo was  three years ago when he got Wayne Rooney sent off for trying to castrate Ricardo Carvallho. I can’t help but feel the PM’s unpopularity is less a matter of people’s political clout and more a matter of people’s innate (and maybe even subconscious) desire for star quality, a’la Tony Blair or Boris Johnson. You can’t help but feel that if Brown smiled with Colgate teeth and was more twee, he’d be a bit more accepted, in this X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent generation of popular consciousness.

Do people really think David Cameron would run the country better, or is more equipped to run the country, than Gordon Brown? Having said that, we’d prefer Cameron I’m sure to Nick Griffin – and one would sincerely hope that all those strange people who voted the BNP into the European Parliament this year are too inebbriated to vote come the General Election.

The point, in any case, is that Gordon Brown might be little more than a Wikipedia footnote by the time President Ahmedinijad is celebrating his third decade in power. Which is, it must be said, a pretty dystopic view of the future. And an Obama, meanwhile, can only do a maximum of eight years anyway, and could easily be replaced at the end of his second term by another Neo-Con apocalyptic, just to make sure we’ve got a good dynamic of fruitcakes on the world stage.

Would it be unreasonable for this blogger to suggest that Brown losing the next election would be a waste of a potentially effective Prime Ministership, and that he warrants some more time?

But, alas, the knives are out, soon enough from every quarter; and sooner or later Brown, like Caesar, will have to watch for betrayal from even his closest allies. And now – shock horror – The Sun has donned its turncoat and turned against him and New Labour too; switching its allegience to the Tories. Cameron will thus, of course, be invincible now, with his army of bare-breasted page three girls and Katie Price-obsessed journalists backing him…

Speaking of world figures with long-lasting careers, Gadaffi’s recent speechmaking in the United Nations General Assembly apparently made for quite a spectacle. Most of the dignitaries (predominately the Western delegates) were unmoved and even outright provoked by Gadaffi’s poorly scripted tirade, whilst others were visibly bored by it. A number of the delegates, however, were seen to be enthralled, treating Gadaffi’s presence like a special appearance by a rock star; some of them holding up their phones to take pictures of him as he spoke.

It’s hard for most people to figure out whether Gadaffi is a good guy or a bad guy: the reality is likely to be that, like the overwhelming majority of politicians in any sphere, he is neither – he’s just a politician; albeit, one who’s Octavian-like longeivity has left him perceived as more of a declawed cat than a dangerous leapord. He has, like many dictators, ended up a cartoonish figure; and this is something curious about our media culture, in that we seem to caricature dictators and very powerful men almost to the point of making them seem unreal or of limited seriousness. It’s been done with Gadaffi the most, but lately with Kim Jong il. Of course, it was largely done with Saddam Hussein too for many years; right up until the point where we hung him.

Whether it says something positive about our reaction to the overly powerful, or something negative about our tendencies to parody very serious subjects, is open to debate.

And speaking still of world figures in for the (presumably) long haul; the Popemobile will be speeding into the UK next year for a long-awaited tour. Rumours that Pope Benedict might be doing fifty dates at the 02 have been quashed, probably considered a bad omen, but His Holimoliness the Pontiff will make the first Papal visit to our shores since his predecessor John-Paul II’s stopover in 1982. He should be alright, now that that nasty old Henry VIII’s out of the way.

Though he might be misinformed if he thinks masses of the British public have any interest in flocking to see a wave of the hand from a relic of a long-diminished and once all-powerful institution, whose divine right to power was based on spurious notions of succession. Oh, no wait; come to think of it, it’d be business as usual for us priveleged subjects of the House of Windsor…

Bad Science

Posted under Uncategorized by Harry on 1.10.2009

“Can I stop you for a quick survey please?” she said. It was my day off, I’d just had a pub lunch and had no other plans for the day. “Why not?” I replied. She led me into a building and down some stairs into a room with little booths, some of which were occupied by other people who had nothing better to do.

“It’s a personality test”, she laid the question sheet and the answer sheet down in front of me and told me to complete it in my own time. Two hundred generic questions, mainly relating to how you react to situations emotionally and physically. 1. Do you make thoughtless remarks or accusations which you later regret? hell yeah, etc. Question 88. If you were invading another country, would you feel sympathetic towards conscientious objectors in this country? I began laughing at this point, as it would surely depend on which country it was.
My eyes were then drawn to the small print at the bottom of the question sheet, in particular the words Religious Technology Center. “Oh, shit” I thought, “what is this place?” I glanced around nervously and caught someone’s eye. They came over, “How are you getting on?” he asked. “Is this religious propaganda?” I replied, “No, this is the institute of Scientology and Dienetiks” he said. It was similar to the feeling you get when you zip your dick in your flies, only more shameful, like catching your dick in someone else’s flies. Again, “oh, shit” came to mind, closely followed by “Not Tom Cruise, this is bad!” My initial reaction was to run upstairs and get out of there faster than greased weasel shit. But I had nothing better to do, so I decided to sit it out and see what happened at the end, in the same way that I forced myself to read the whole of The Da’Vinci Code to the end.

The final part of the test was actually very easy, name, address, email, phone number, that kind of thing. I gave my pseudonym Winston Marshall, and the email address I set up for Winston. If you do not have an alter ego, I suggest you invent one, they can be very useful. The same guy came back over to take the test away for marking. I was then led to a computer monitor to view the results in the form of a chart. “Hi Winston, I’m Matt” he said shaking my hand. Matt had an incredibly close shaven face which made me wonder whether he had even reached puberty yet, though he seemed about my age. Blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face that could do with being worked on with a meat tenderising hammer.

“The blue line represents the results from your personality test. You see this horizontal line going through the middle of the graph? Well, everything above that is positive attributes of your persona, everything below it is negativity.”
I had answered every question truthfully, the blue line of my personality zigzagged up and down near the bottom, it didn’t even touch the middle mark, let alone rise into the “positive attributes”.
“There’s a lot of negativity in your life” Said clean Matt. “What has happened in your life that makes you unhappy?” he asked. “Well Matt, considering I’ve only just met you, I’m not going to start discussing my problems with you, I’m sure you understand that?” I told him. “Do you know much about scientology?” said shiny-eyed Matt. “I’m not terribly interested, I’m an atheist” I said. He tried again, “when you talk to people about your problems, what kind of things do you talk about?”
I clarified, “as I just said, I’m not going to sit here and tell you my personal problems.”

Poor, brainwashed Matt saw that I was not going to buy any books or attend any lectures, or start believing that the universe was created by friendly aliens 200 years ago and so he extended his hand for me to shake and said, “Well, thanks for coming in anyway Winston.” “Good luck Matt” I said, and I walked out, not running, but still pretty damn fast.
HJ