Yay! It’s snowing! Let’s all go oust side and behave like five year olds!. The schools are closed, and there’s no public transport, and that means no work for many of us.

This is the only time when it is perfectly acceptable to launch missile attacks on passing vehicles and strangers, ESPECIALY if they are female, less chance of getting your teeth punched in that way.

You can tell Aussies and South Africans a mile off.
They’re generally the ones taking photos of everything and grinning, like they’re at a free-beer barbeque. The ones strutting around in tee-shirts are Polish, at least they’re not taking the day off!

We all know about the classic snow time activities- snow men, sledging, snow ball fights, snow angels etc. Here are a few alternative ways to enjoy the white stuff.

1.
Find a fresh dog turd, and very carefully build a pointed cone of snow around it, then hide and wait for a child to jump on it.

2.
Whisky Snow Balls.
Take a tumbler. ½ fill with whisky, make a snow ball, drop into tumbler. Hey-presto, hedonistic slush puppies for everyone!

3.
Golden Rings.
Stand in a grassy area full of fresh snow, extract penis, commence urination, spin around until you’r surrounded by a yellow circle.

4.
Naked Snow Angels.
Ah! I’m ashamed to say that we actually did this once, whilst high on whisky snow balls. It seemed like such a good idea. Just make sure that there’s no-one around with a video camera and a facebook account,

5.
Stay at home and crank the heating up to eleven. Who wants a broken coccyx bone anyway?
HJ